i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
