I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
