the condom got lost in my hair
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
