is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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