Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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