Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
