Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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