So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
