So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
