whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
BRING THE BAGELS
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
