I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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