I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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