Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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