I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
