We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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