break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
"it" just moved
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
