It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
