Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
