you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Panties = found
Randomize
