you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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