we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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