Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
