I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
