He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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