She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
