apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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