he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
