just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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