The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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