Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am available for nakedness
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
