Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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