She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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