Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
