i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
