Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i drank out of a bidet.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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