Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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