1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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