He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
