Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
