She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
