This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
