woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
