The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
