chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
