break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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