My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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