where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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