were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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