I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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