I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
