Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
