i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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