I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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