so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
