Non-Jews are for practice
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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