i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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