At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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