drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
