I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You made out with two different species that night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
