My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
