your room smells of hookers.
And success
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
