I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
