NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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