she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
BRING THE BAGELS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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