dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
