So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
