Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
