its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
