porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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