Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Screwed.edu
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
