SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
