In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
