Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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