You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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