i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
