Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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