I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
