Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
